Friday, March 26, 2010

Gardening for Lazy Dummies (like me!)

I don't know a damn thing about gardening. I wish I did, but I don't! Almost every houseplant I've ever had has died. The only things I've ever been able to keep alive have been my bamboo plants, and even they are starting to look kinda sickly. Or maybe they're just lonely.

I see all of these gardening thingies (I call them thingies because I have no idea what they actually ARE) and I want them. Sometimes I think if I had these nifty little gadgets, I could grow stuff. If you have known me for more than five minutes, you know that I am not an outdoor person. Although the idea of gardening sounds fun, I am way too lazy for it. Also now that I have an awful back, I'd never be able to bend over and do all of that work on the ground. What a...bummer? I hate hot weather, too. I don't like to sweat. People that have to be close enough to smell me don't like it when I sweat, either.

So instead of giving gardening tips like I am some sort of expert, I decided to show you all of the thingies that seem like they could turn me into a quasi-gardener. 
This, my friends, is how I prepare to garden.

First, I would buy an AeroGarden. This thing looks FUN. Like all I would have to do it open up the box and pour some water on it and voila! I'M A GARDENER.

I also like the fact that it looks kinda like a UFO, and the top part appears to be hovering. I think maybe I just want this to be in my house because it's neat looking. They have them in different colors. Some of them grow tomatoes!

Speaking of tomatoes, I saw this Topsy Turvy tomato thing on tv and I wondered if it would really work. I tried to grow tomatoes once, and I ended up with a pile of tangled weeds. My grandfather had a tomato garden when I was a kid and those fresh tomatoes were so yummy. I wanted to have fresh tomatoes all the time! Now, with this jacked up windsock, it might be possible!

Then I found out about these things. They look like alien pods. I am fascinated. I think they are sort of like automatic plant growers. Could I screw this up? Possibly. Will they look cute on my countertop? Absolutely!

They make this thing, too! It's professional.

These things seem like they could really help me become a real gardener. Like stuff someone who knows what they're doing would buy. It's almost like buying them would make me credible as a botanist!

And that's how I prepare for gardening in the spring. I'll buy stuff like this that'll make it easy! Or maybe I'll just buy a bunch of seeds and throw them in the yard. Sort of like grab bag gardening. We'll just wait and see what pops up. I left our jack-o-lantern from Halloween 2008 by the mailbox so long, it sprouted and now we have a lovely vine on the mailbox. Turns out my laziness is good for something, sometimes!

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  1. Wow, these are gadgets a non-gardener like me need. I wonder if the topsy turvy tomato thing comes with the tomato plant? I'm pretty sure I'll kill them very soon. I have killer hands.

  2. I have a "black thumb" when it comes to gardening as well! This is why my husband does it ALL! LOL These gadgets you've listed here look really cool and seems like it would make gardening a lot easier. :) Theresa

  3. These gadgets look really cool!

    I hope to garden one day. I've never actually tried to yet. Although I do love watching things grow. Since our apartment is next to a field- one year they grew flowers and apparently a few seeds came our way.
    Last year I noticed a single Gladiolus had bloomed. Today I seen 3 or 4 buds starting.


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